We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
