Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
