ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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