call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize