Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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