my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize