Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize