Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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