i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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