Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
