I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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