im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
