So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
