I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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