I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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