i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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