I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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