Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
