THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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