xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
