Swine flu. Run for my life!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
