Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
