come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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