Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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