her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
