i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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