I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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