If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
