Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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