It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
