conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
