Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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