there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
