I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
