Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
