What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
