i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
