Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
