Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
