listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize