i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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