I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
