but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
