Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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