There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you.
Bad choice
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