Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
