I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
