If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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