I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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