I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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