I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
