Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wish there were birth control emojis
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize