Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
