i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
