My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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