I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
