I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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