I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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