I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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