i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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