I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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