I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
