I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
